he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
