Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Congratulations! We have a period
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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