i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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