I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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