I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there was a trapeze. enough said
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
