Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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