It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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