im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
