And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
