its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
