And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize