Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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