i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
