there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
