I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
its not stalking. its research.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
