she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
