she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We are two peas in an std pod
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
