Where are you?
In a non slutty way
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
