she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
