It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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