I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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