you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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