Your dad touched me again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
