i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
