We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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