my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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