Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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