i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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