Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
