i just wanna soil my oats bro
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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