Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
