I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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