At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
