I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
