I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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