so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
