his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
