that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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