Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
