My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
