Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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