I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
