Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
