True but thats because hes a fetus.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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