If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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