so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
