Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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