You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize