I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
