if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
