bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
