and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
