everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
