she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize