He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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