At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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