he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
