My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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