your parents love me but you hate me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
