the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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