Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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