Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
