Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
