so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
