o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
