Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
