my phone needs a breathalizer
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
