No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
