is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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